Shit

Well, my 33 yr old sister has colon cancer and has to have chemotherapy treatments for 6 months. So maybe someday I'll feel like blogging something trivial and witty, but for now I just can't. Mostly all I can think these days is WTF? How does shit like this happen?

The dreaded sexpectation

Speaking of hotels and sex - what's the deal with the sexpectation there? (For those of you unfamiliar with my new term it means any time there's an expectation of sex). Like all of a sudden staying in a hotel is going to make me want to have sex. Actually, I'm thinking of all the gross things on that bedspread and mattress from OTHER people having sex on it. Yuck! And I realize sometimes it's the whole getting away thing - the kids aren't there, all the house crap isn't there, etc. And occasionally that will be sufficient to loosen me up enough to give in. But I hate the fact that it's just expected. Same things goes for vacations. I'm on vacation so that should automatically put me in the mood? How? Did my spouse all of a sudden become so hot I have to jump him? Or did I magically lose 10 lbs so I feel sexy? Is being on vacation or in a hotel some sort of foreplay that's supposed to be working it's mojo on me? And most husbands even have these sexpectations when the kids are there! Yes honey, trying to get it on with little Timmy sleeping 5 feet away is really working for me. I really enjoy constantly worrying about waking him up and explaining why mommy and daddy are "wrestling." And family vacations are SO relaxing, what with the screaming, fighting, trying to please everybody, packing, unpacking, laundry. That really gets my motor going. Actually, you know what WOULD get my motor going is a week away with my girlfriends to a relaxing spa where we're flirted with by the hot wait staff and Marco the massage therapist.

I've found, in discussing this with friends, that it's the expectation itself that is a HUGE turn-off. We automatically get irritated, which isn't conducive to intimacy. So there you have it men - quit with the sexpectations already. It's annoying and too reminiscent of teenage boys' mentality.

Pregnant sex. Eeeewwww!

My husband and I are going to be staying in a hotel this next weekend. We had originally planned to share it with another couple but those plans fell through so now it's just us. This of course leads my husband to say "so we can have hot sex." Now, I know he's kidding (mostly) because we don't have "hot sex." Plus, as I explained to him, at 30 weeks pregnant there's no such thing as "hot" sex, there's "pity sex," or "sympathy sex," or even "fine whatever just get it over with sex." If there's anyone out there having hot sex at 30 weeks pregnant that's just kind of gross. Now I know a lot of women get hornier later on in their pregnancies (that's because of the increased blood flow to the vaginal area - not because they all of a sudden feel hot and are extremely attracted to their spouse) but I still doubt they're having hot sex. It'd be more of a "shut up, don't talk, I just need a little relief" sex. And really, who would WANT to have hot sex with a pregnant woman in her 3rd trimester. Now, I don't want my husband to find me horribly repulsive because c'mon, it's his sperm that caused this whole fandango so he should at least think I look cute or have some sort of sacred Madonna like quality about me, but I would have to seriously question his sanity if he was looking at me and thinking "yeah, I just wanna hit that. Ooh baby." That's a little weird to me. I've heard there ARE some men who find pregnant women really attractive. I don't get it. I could see there being some sort of "that's right, I knocked her up. My boys can swim," manly pride thing going on. But finding me sexy right now? What's sexy? My huge stretch marks? My belly button sticking out? Oh, I know, it's my giant fat ass (stretch marks included on that as well). Or maybe the zits all over my face - so hot!

Apparently I don't say cheese

Okay, everytime I get on here (obviously not very often these days as evidenced by my non-posting) my picture really bugs me. So, I'm asking if there are any pictures out there of me actually smiling? Feel free to send it to me and I'll try to get my picture changed - and it has to be a decent picture - so nothing from 4 years ago when I was a fat ass. And no double/triple chin pictures please, I have enough of those (damn jowls). I would also prefer to be wearing make-up. Oh whatever, just find a picture of Kim Kardashian on the internet and I'll post that. That's what people would rather see anyways.