My friend recently emailed me about her new Schwan's man, who is apparently smokin' hot. See, this is big news when you're a stay at home mom, seeing as how our interactions with the opposite sex consist of those we have with:
our spouse - while loving, not exactly lust-inspiring on a daily basis
the guy at the meat counter - the innuendos (salami anyone?) are too laughable to be flirty, especially when the kids are whining/screaming/(fill in your favorite verb here).
the home delivery man - not condusive to flirtatious banter (even though I giggle at all "package" one-liners I can think of) since both the dog and the baby try to escape out the door while the preschooler is yelling "I went poopy!" in the background. Plus these visits are sporadic and tend to happen when mommy is looking like death in a puke T-shirt.
So you can see how desperate we are that the thought of ordering ice cream from a hot Schwan's man is even remotely scintilating. Because unlike the regular home-delivery person, a Schwan's man is on a schedule, therefore we can put on jeans instead of our sweats and pretend to be non-repellant. We can put a movie in to give the appearance of calm and having it all together. Then maybe we can offer a flirty smile and for two seconds while we order some more frozen lasagna we can feel *gasp* attractive!? It's pathetic, I know, but it's all we've got.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
That old bitch called Karma
"Karma karma karma karma karma Chameleon..." Was anyone else confused by Boy George in the 80s? I could not figure it out - the whole boy/girl thing. I mean, his name was BOY George so he had to be a boy, but then he kind of looked like a girl. Then again, I was a just a kid living in a small, rural town. I couldn't pronounce "androgyny" let alone tell you what it meant.
Anyways, I was thinking about karma last night as I sat in bed coughing, and coughing, and coughing. You see, my husband (who from here on out will be referred to as The Good Doctor, or TGD for short) recently had a cough that lasted for about two weeks. Two looooonnnng, very annoying (I'm not much for sympathy) weeks in which he would not take any medicine or see one of his partners (clinical not sexual, we're not that type of couple). It was constant coughing, even leading up to our annual weekend without kids. He had taken to sleeping in the basement (or just not sleeping) so he was very tired (and looked it, which only made me mad, not very nice of me). I was getting more worried and more desperate. I finally told him that he "HAD to get better because I really NEEDED to have sex!" This doesn't happen very often. TGD will tell you it is an extremely rare occurrance that I'M the one who's feeling a little desperate. And it really wasn't his fault. He could be going on no sleep for 3 days and still be "up for the job." But honestly, all that hacking was so not attractive. Needless to say, I made my point and he came home the next day with some drugs. And we had a very, er, fulfilling weekend away. So here I am, two weeks later, coughing my lungs up. Funny thing about Karma, she'll bite you in the ass every time.
Anyways, I was thinking about karma last night as I sat in bed coughing, and coughing, and coughing. You see, my husband (who from here on out will be referred to as The Good Doctor, or TGD for short) recently had a cough that lasted for about two weeks. Two looooonnnng, very annoying (I'm not much for sympathy) weeks in which he would not take any medicine or see one of his partners (clinical not sexual, we're not that type of couple). It was constant coughing, even leading up to our annual weekend without kids. He had taken to sleeping in the basement (or just not sleeping) so he was very tired (and looked it, which only made me mad, not very nice of me). I was getting more worried and more desperate. I finally told him that he "HAD to get better because I really NEEDED to have sex!" This doesn't happen very often. TGD will tell you it is an extremely rare occurrance that I'M the one who's feeling a little desperate. And it really wasn't his fault. He could be going on no sleep for 3 days and still be "up for the job." But honestly, all that hacking was so not attractive. Needless to say, I made my point and he came home the next day with some drugs. And we had a very, er, fulfilling weekend away. So here I am, two weeks later, coughing my lungs up. Funny thing about Karma, she'll bite you in the ass every time.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
