The french waitress uniform doesn't exist, but these do...

Like it usually does, the last post led me to this one. Uniforms: hot or not hot? I myself find army fatigues very VERY hot - like way up there on the hot-ometer. Sailor uniforms however, not too hot. Marine dress uniform - iffy I think. Air force - dress uniform and the jumpsuit thing - smokin' hot (blame it on Top Gun). Firefighter overalls/boots outfit - obviously hot or they wouldn't sell calendars of firefighters. Many a fantasy have those guys playing the lead. Cops on the other hand - sorry but those police blues are just not hot. Plus they gotta wear that belt with all the gadgets and that just adds more bulk. Same goes with State Patrol. Sorry fellas, I know you didn't pick the outfits.

Of course you could get into all the non-government jobs that require uniforms - like doctors, nurses, cafeteria workers, waiters, etc. But that would take forever I think. For the most part I think the majority of those types of uniforms are definitely not hot. I can say with certainty that my uniform as a nursing home dietary aide was NOT HOT - like negative values on the hotness meter. The hair net and required apron were especially bad, and quite mortifying the one time my boss' son, a boy in my high school class, came to pay her a visit at work and caught me in all my netted glory.

I do think TGD looks pretty damn fine in scrubs though. Fortunately he doesn't have to wear a hair net or a shower cap every day.

Officer Friendly

Well, I got a speeding ticket today. My first time being pulled over since college. It was legit - I was speeding, or at least I'm pretty sure I was because I was in a hurry to pick up my kid and not paying attention to how fast I was going (pretty fast apparently). The most embarassing part was that I have no idea when he started following me with the lights on. I had pulled through a busy intersection and was just thinking about getting to where I needed to go when I heard the sirens and noticed he was right behind me. I ended up pulling over in the parking lot where I was picking up my child so he parked right next to me - lights still going (I thought that was a little much) and all my friends and everybody else picking up their kids got to see me get a ticket. Awesome. I felt so cool. Yep, that's me - Em the law breaker.

I wanna be a pack leader.

I am officially a "Dog Whisperer" addict. I can't turn that damn show off! I will watch it for HOURS. And yes, at certain hormonally charged times I have been known to shed a tear while watching it. I'll also admit to having a slight crush on Cesar. All that calm assertive confidence is hot, and I love it when he does his dog impersonations. The guy is frickin' amazing and he likes to hold babies. What's not to like? If he was having some sort of seminar or book signing someplace relatively close I would so go. I know this is weird, but in true That's Whack form I thought I should share it.

Marriage is great!

We all have our annoying habits that drive our spouses crazy. If I asked TGD about mine I think I could tell you his response, well, besides the fact that we don't have sex as often as he'd like - but I think we can all agree that that answer would be #1 for most husbands (besides the guys a couple of my friends are married to. They don't know how good they have it.). No, I think mine would be the fact that I don't change the toilet paper roll when it runs out. I just set the new one next to the toilet or on the tank and leave the empty cardboard roll on. Yes, I am that lazy. It drives TGD nuts, but so does the way he "picks up" toys. So I guess we're even.

You say it's your birthday? Big deal.

It was my birfday last Wednesday. I'm finally 27. I feel so old, I mean I'm almost 30! Anyways, it was a weird day and I'm still trying to decide if it was a "good" birthday (people always ask that - "did you have a good birthday?") What does that mean? So here's my analysis and you can decide for yourself:

Good: I found a dozen peach roses at my doorstop when I got back from teaching aerobics - from my secret lover (I'm having an affair with TGD but don't tell anyone).
My sister called and wished me a happy birthday, which was thoughtful (they had already given me my gifts the weekend before).
Some friends stopped by and had made me a cake (which was delicious and uber-nice).
Got a couple e-cards from some out-of-town friends.
Was able to arrange a night out to dinner with friends, who paid for my meal.
A good friend surprised me with a Subway gift card - which sounds weird but was actually a perfect gift for me.
Another really good friend had her baby that morning, although they didn't name it after me, which should be a requirement I think.

Bad: My husband was gone fishing in Canada for the week so it was just me and the kids.
The weather turned really crappy when we went to dinner so I spent the whole time worried about my kids and feeling guilty for dragging my friends out on such an awful night (think tornadoes everywhere).

Looks like there were more good things than bad so I guess I did have a "good" birthday. I think anymore it's just a day, but the little kid in me still wants to feel a little bit special on that day and I just didn't get that feeling so much this year. Maybe it's age (or narcissm), but that's depressing.

I'm a mess

Awhile back I had this friend (we're still friends now, I hope, but we no longer live near one another and have both gotten busy with life - you know how it goes) and we spent quite a bit of time together. Her house was always fairly messy - not dirty, but full of stuff and clutter. Now, to give her credit she had 2 kids and added a third when we still lived nearby. Meanwhile, I only had my one small child with whom I was able to keep up with mess-wise. But I remember thinking about how she wasn't ever embarassed about the state of her house while I freaked out if there were dishes on the counter and company was coming over (that comes from having a neat freak mother). And I think she even said once that she and her husband would rather do other things besides clean all the time (and I probably thought some catty thought about how they could do both, because that's the kind of bitch I am). However, now that I am older, much wiser, not nearly as catty (most of the time), and have two kids running around whom I can NOT keep up with I totally get where she was coming from. My house is a disaster - all the time, and the kicker is instead of picking it up I'd rather sit my butt on the couch and check my email (or read, take a nap, or do various other lazy activities). That doesn't mean I don't look around sometimes and think "Holy crap! This house looks like shit and smells worse." Seriously, most of the time it's so bad that if unexpected company were to drop by I'd probably have to make up a story about how we're "reorganizing" things and the dishwasher is broken. But I'd still rather play outside, read a book, and have a messy house than the opposite. And for all of you unexpected visitors out there, feel free to stop by every other Tuesday after my cleaning lady has paid a visit.

peep show

My last post led my thoughts to this one: A few years ago an acquaintance of my husband (nobody from this town busybodies, so quit guessing) mentioned that he wondered if women knew that their shirts gaped open when they leaned over to pick up their kids. My husband told me this because the guy was a person who I frequently saw with my kids (he was in my playdate group as a stay home dad), so I don't know if TGD was trying to warn me or just letting me know the perv might be looking down my shirt. Now, I am one to wear lower cut things. What can I say, I look better in scoop or V-neck tops. Crew cuts make my face look fat (I have large jowls and a short neck). I told TGD that I wasn't going to change what I wore just because some jerk was checking out the show when I bent over to pick up my kids (or pick up whatever they dropped). I wear a bra, so what's the most he's going to see - a little cleavage and probably my gut. Not real hot if you ask me. Not enough to give anyone any major thrills anyways (and if it is then they are REALLY desperate, which might have been the case with pervy dad-dude).

soft cups are crap

Yesterday was our first day at the pool, so of course I had to dig out my swimsuits and see what fit. Unfortunately the bikini I bought back in February wasn't looking so good so I had to put on my "mom suit" from my last fatty summer. I've already discussed the whole mom suit issue so I'm not getting into that but there is something I haven't touched on - the lack of boob support in swimsuits, especially mom suits. I mean, just when we need it the most there seems to be less padding. I'm sorry, but the whole "soft-cup" bra is a joke. Why don't they call it what it is - a liner so your nipples don't show (which is good so people don't wonder why my stomach has nipples). I need lift! I need something that will keep my breasts from flopping out to the sides and maybe give me some nice cleavage! I think it goes back to the whole "I'm a mom and therefore need to hide as much as my sacred body as possible" thing. Heaven forbid I actually feel attractive while watching my children!