Satan's pants

I'm wearing a torture device, aka my skinny jeans. And not the skinniest jeans I own, those won't even fit around my "thighs like what." These are the jeans that last year at this time fit me great, not tight at all. Today I'm a little concerned that the button might decide to give out and shoot across the room, possibly poking someone's eye out. I'm having questionable thoughts as to if I should even be wearing these jeans. I'm pretty sure if I saw me walking down the street in these things I would think I was deluding myself if I thought these fit good. And I'm not going to ask TGD what he thinks, that would just be cruel and unusual punishment to put him on the spot like that. There's no easy way to answer that question - "No, your ass is too big" would most definitely send me into tears (or rage, whatever) and "They look fine" is just a vague way of saying they look like crap. So WHY am I wearing these? Because I really really want to tell myself that I'm not that far off from what I used to look like and I'm hoping they'll discourage any attempts at snacking. Do you think tight jeans might be like corsets and physically change my bone structure if I wear them long enough? Yeah, probably not. I don't think a button and denim fabric have that kind of hold, not like steel boning and ties. I'm pretty sure the only thing these tight jeans are doing to my body is giving me gas from the constricting waistline. Or maybe that was lunch causing all that. I'm also telling myself all sorts of excuses as to why these jeans are so painful today, like I just got them out of the dryer and I'm pretty sure they shrunk. In any case my gut is painfully protesting the constriction and it's time to go put on some jeans that fit (aka my fat jeans).

I wouldn't make a very good captive. I caved to torturous jeans after only 20 minutes.