Some rules for owl eyes

Okay men, listen up. Quit staring! Learn how to glance surrepticiously! You know, casually look around the room like you're looking for something or someone, not letting your gaze rest on the blonde with big knockers for more than a second. Trust me, it can be done. That's how us women check out the hot guys. See, there's a few problems with staring: 1) if you're a single guy checking out a girl it's too obvious, and unless you're really good looking (and let's be honest here), it starts to get creepy and unnerving. Women can always tell when a man is staring at her, even if her back is turned (it's an itchy feeling we get between the shoulder blades). So if she's not turning around to make some eye contact that's your cue that she's purposely ignoring you and you need to STOP staring (unless you want her to think you're a serial killer). Now, married women are similar but we're a little less picky. If I get checked out (a 4 second stare max before it heads into the creepy zone) or whistled at (rarely happens, but you know) I get a little ego boost for the day, and I don't really care if the guy is good looking, decent, whatever. However, if I'm with my kids DO NOT stare, whistle, or cat call! That is just awkward and extremely icky. Just let me be a mom and take care of my kids without thinking you're looking at my ass every time I lean over to pick up my toddler (unless you're Mark Wahlberg, then feel free to ogle me whenever, wherever).

2) (the biggie) if you're a married man out with your spouse it is insulting (to your wife) to stare at another woman. I know it's hard, you're eating dinner, trying to listen to your wife talk about stuff you don't care about, and suddenly Big Boobs Barbie comes walking in your line of view. You don't even realize you're doing it but trust me, your wife can tell when you're eyes start following BBB across the room. It might not feel that long, maybe less than 5 seconds, but trust me, to your wife and to BBB it feels like slow motion. Because that little bimbo can tell that you're staring - and that's why it's hurtful to your wife. We know that little tramp over there is feeling sorry for us, and that just pisses us off. We married you, we live with you and put up with all your crap, we birthed your kids, at least let us have some dignity and pretend that you're paying attention to us and not Hootie McHooterson! See, this is where the "glancing surrepticiously" comes into play. You get to still check out Hooters (because I know it's impossible for you NOT to look) and I get to keep my pride and not let that little bimbo think that I can't even hold my own husband's attention. Plus later, if we decide to get freaky, I'm not worried that you're actually thinking about Hootie and her perfect breasts (even though you probably are, I just don't need to know about it, just like you don't need to know about Marky Mark, hehe).