water and wedgies

It's that time of year again. Well, not really because it's still snowing out, but it's coming...looming out there...just around the corner. That time of year that every woman hates to think about - yep, time to think about SWIMWEAR! Dun Dun Dunn (ominous music). Seriously, I am going to an indoor waterpark next weekend which makes me go "yay fun!" but "crap, I gotta put on a swimsuit." I'm planning on just wearing some crap suit I've got buried in my closet (we've all got at least one of those) because ain't no way I'm shopping for a suit right now. I'm still holding on to the delusion that I'll lose a few more of these baby pounds before summer. But, it has got me thinking about maybe browsing the catalogs and internet just to see what's out there. Every year I am determined to find the perfect swimsuit and of course every year I have to settle for something because there is NO perfect swimsuit. I think that all swimwear designers are either men, women who haven't had kids, or women in their 50s. Swimsuits are either too skimpy or too matronly. Where's the happy medium? Where is the suit that says "Hello, I'm a cute, but yet somewhat sexy 30-ish gal who may or may not have kids (you wouldn't be able to tell because the perfect suit would give you enough support to put your boobs where they're supposed to be and wouldn't ride up over your spare tire)." It would also say "I can look good laying on the beach but I can also go for a swim and not have to worry about my suit falling off or slipping into uncomfortable places" instead of "I'm a housewife who's trying to feel sexy but all I could find was this leopard print tankini that kind of looks like underwear and has a tendency to ride up my crack." And I know I'm complained about it before but c'mon - what's the deal with the boob support?! If I want a suit that actually gives me support it looks like I'm wearing a bra. The other day I was looking in a catalog and I thought I finally found it - hidden underwire in the top and it didn't look like a bra! Then I noticed it was for C-DD bra cup size. What?! Like my B cups are too small to warrent underwire support? Who made up that rule?

So, I'm still continueing my search. If any of you find that perfect suit let me know. I promise not to order it in the same color as you.