Oprah and introspection

Lately I've been watching Oprah. I don't know why - boredom I guess. I used to watch it quite a bit and then quit, mostly because I got sick of all the commercials (no wonder she makes so much freaking money) and I started reading more (smut). Anyways, I happened to catch some of her two part series of "Why Husbands Cheat." She had the guy who wrote the book on the show, whom I actually like (he also did some work on divorce and kids). I think he's very smart and objective - so I was interested in what he had to say. He said the number one reason that men listed for having an affair was lack of appreciation at home. Of course, like many women, I immediately was like "WTF? Geez, the damn babies! I gotta take care of my kids AND pat my husband on the head too?! What about MY appreciation? Where the hell is that?!" But, I realized that it really wasn't a big deal and it actually makes a lot of sense. I don't often tell TGD what a good job he's doing, or what a great dad he is, or thank him for doing things around the house. Instead I point out things that aren't done, things that are done wrong, things that he should be doing more of (like staying home with the kids). And you know, I think men in general have fragile egos - more so than women (cuz we're tough shit). Not that there's anything wrong with that - I think it's how they're wired. So why is it so hard for me to show appreciation - to say thanks? Part of me thinks if I start doing that then he'll start slacking off - like "oh, I'm doing a great job so I deserve to play some more golf." I know that's dumb. And I know it makes sense that by showing him more appreciation then he most likely will respond positively and appreciate me more in turn. That's the theory anyways. But it's gotten to the point that I don't even know how to say "thank you." For example, the other night TGD arranged for us to go out to dinner and a movie - even called the sitter (a couple of them), and invited some other friends to join us. So I'm feeling pretty happy with him for taking that initiative and getting me out of the house (I've been in kind of a shlump lately). I was feeling pretty good all day, thinking loving thoughts, and how I'm going to be sure to thank him and show my appreciation. But we get home, after having a nice time (even though I locked my keys in the car, which created some tension early on in the evening), and I'm sitting on the couch thinking "just say it. Say thanks. Tell him he's a good husband." It took me probably 30 minutes before I just blurted out "hey, thanks for arranging all that tonight. I really needed to get out of the house." Now, why was that so hard? I felt like I was back in middle school again trying to get up the nerve to have my friend tell the friend of the boy that I liked that I liked him. It really made me think - "wow, this is the point that we've gotten to in our marriage. I'm not even comfortable giving him a compliment because I'm so used to just saying nothing, or telling him what he didn't do right." Part of it is my nature - I'm not "lovey-dovey." I don't like to snuggle, I'm not affectionate, I gag at sentimental cards, romantic gestures make me uncomfortable, basically I'm like a dude except I have boobs and like to shop. Even so, it's not like I have to get down on one knee and profess my undying love every time he does something nice - but a simple "thanks" shouldn't make me break out into a nervous sweat. So, this is something that I'm going to be working on. NOT because I think he'd end up having an affair, but because I think it would be good for our marriage - and we could really use that right now, what with me being a huge pregnant whale with our 3rd child and never wanting to have sex (and THANK YOU TGD for being so understanding and not pressuring me or saying hurtful comments). See, I'm trying.