Trying to make an informed decision

I wasn't going to watch the presidential debate tonight. I watched the last one and I regret those two hours of my life I'll never get back. I hate politics - I really really do. However, I do think it's important to care about what's going on, try to be somewhat informed, yada yada yada. Anyways, TGD had the debate on while I was working on the laptop so I got sucked into it. Mostly they say the same thing over and over again. What I'd like to know is how do you pick a candidate when they cater to the extreme left and right? I consider myself a "middle ground" person - neither super liberal nor conservative. Where's my candidate? Ralph Nader? That's it? See, this is why most of the time I don't get involved. I'm disillusioned with the whole political process, that and it seems like the people that are gung-ho are too extreme, unwilling to hear anything the other side has to say. The whole thing just drives me nuts.

Look out, I'm on my damn soapbox.

I'm really fed up with the Kinder-whore outfits they have on sale for Halloween. WTF is WRONG with people that they would actually let their child wear something like that?! No, it's not cute to dress your elementary student in a little goth cheerleader outfit, complete with fishnet stockings and hooker boots. Really, what are we teaching our kids when we allow that? "Go ahead honey, exploit and objectify yourself." And then we act all shocked when we find out middle schoolers are performing oral sex on one another? Connect the friggin' dots. And oh yes, let's do buy a bunch of magazines with half-naked airbrushed models on them to lay around the house for our kids to see. After all, we want them to know that THAT is the standard to be measured up to - that's what women should look like - a bunch of stick thin sex objects. And don't forget that our sons are seeing it as well. So what do you think they're going to think of girls when they get bigger? Do you think that's teaching them respect? Yes, all those pop and hip-hop "artists" are so respectful to women - especially in the videos. Wake the hell up America! It's up to us to teach our kids about modesty, respect, self-esteem, relationships, and sex. Pretty impossible when they are bombarded by inappropriate media images and messages. Those companies know what they are doing - they've done the research. Sex sells, so they sell it at a younger and younger age.

Why the diatribe, you ask? No, I'm not some bible preaching conservative whack job (quite the opposite really). I read a book that opened my eyes - "So Sexy, So soon."
www.sosexysosoon.com
Buy it, read it, live it. Your children will be better off because of it.

Oprah and introspection

Lately I've been watching Oprah. I don't know why - boredom I guess. I used to watch it quite a bit and then quit, mostly because I got sick of all the commercials (no wonder she makes so much freaking money) and I started reading more (smut). Anyways, I happened to catch some of her two part series of "Why Husbands Cheat." She had the guy who wrote the book on the show, whom I actually like (he also did some work on divorce and kids). I think he's very smart and objective - so I was interested in what he had to say. He said the number one reason that men listed for having an affair was lack of appreciation at home. Of course, like many women, I immediately was like "WTF? Geez, the damn babies! I gotta take care of my kids AND pat my husband on the head too?! What about MY appreciation? Where the hell is that?!" But, I realized that it really wasn't a big deal and it actually makes a lot of sense. I don't often tell TGD what a good job he's doing, or what a great dad he is, or thank him for doing things around the house. Instead I point out things that aren't done, things that are done wrong, things that he should be doing more of (like staying home with the kids). And you know, I think men in general have fragile egos - more so than women (cuz we're tough shit). Not that there's anything wrong with that - I think it's how they're wired. So why is it so hard for me to show appreciation - to say thanks? Part of me thinks if I start doing that then he'll start slacking off - like "oh, I'm doing a great job so I deserve to play some more golf." I know that's dumb. And I know it makes sense that by showing him more appreciation then he most likely will respond positively and appreciate me more in turn. That's the theory anyways. But it's gotten to the point that I don't even know how to say "thank you." For example, the other night TGD arranged for us to go out to dinner and a movie - even called the sitter (a couple of them), and invited some other friends to join us. So I'm feeling pretty happy with him for taking that initiative and getting me out of the house (I've been in kind of a shlump lately). I was feeling pretty good all day, thinking loving thoughts, and how I'm going to be sure to thank him and show my appreciation. But we get home, after having a nice time (even though I locked my keys in the car, which created some tension early on in the evening), and I'm sitting on the couch thinking "just say it. Say thanks. Tell him he's a good husband." It took me probably 30 minutes before I just blurted out "hey, thanks for arranging all that tonight. I really needed to get out of the house." Now, why was that so hard? I felt like I was back in middle school again trying to get up the nerve to have my friend tell the friend of the boy that I liked that I liked him. It really made me think - "wow, this is the point that we've gotten to in our marriage. I'm not even comfortable giving him a compliment because I'm so used to just saying nothing, or telling him what he didn't do right." Part of it is my nature - I'm not "lovey-dovey." I don't like to snuggle, I'm not affectionate, I gag at sentimental cards, romantic gestures make me uncomfortable, basically I'm like a dude except I have boobs and like to shop. Even so, it's not like I have to get down on one knee and profess my undying love every time he does something nice - but a simple "thanks" shouldn't make me break out into a nervous sweat. So, this is something that I'm going to be working on. NOT because I think he'd end up having an affair, but because I think it would be good for our marriage - and we could really use that right now, what with me being a huge pregnant whale with our 3rd child and never wanting to have sex (and THANK YOU TGD for being so understanding and not pressuring me or saying hurtful comments). See, I'm trying.

Shit

Well, my 33 yr old sister has colon cancer and has to have chemotherapy treatments for 6 months. So maybe someday I'll feel like blogging something trivial and witty, but for now I just can't. Mostly all I can think these days is WTF? How does shit like this happen?

The dreaded sexpectation

Speaking of hotels and sex - what's the deal with the sexpectation there? (For those of you unfamiliar with my new term it means any time there's an expectation of sex). Like all of a sudden staying in a hotel is going to make me want to have sex. Actually, I'm thinking of all the gross things on that bedspread and mattress from OTHER people having sex on it. Yuck! And I realize sometimes it's the whole getting away thing - the kids aren't there, all the house crap isn't there, etc. And occasionally that will be sufficient to loosen me up enough to give in. But I hate the fact that it's just expected. Same things goes for vacations. I'm on vacation so that should automatically put me in the mood? How? Did my spouse all of a sudden become so hot I have to jump him? Or did I magically lose 10 lbs so I feel sexy? Is being on vacation or in a hotel some sort of foreplay that's supposed to be working it's mojo on me? And most husbands even have these sexpectations when the kids are there! Yes honey, trying to get it on with little Timmy sleeping 5 feet away is really working for me. I really enjoy constantly worrying about waking him up and explaining why mommy and daddy are "wrestling." And family vacations are SO relaxing, what with the screaming, fighting, trying to please everybody, packing, unpacking, laundry. That really gets my motor going. Actually, you know what WOULD get my motor going is a week away with my girlfriends to a relaxing spa where we're flirted with by the hot wait staff and Marco the massage therapist.

I've found, in discussing this with friends, that it's the expectation itself that is a HUGE turn-off. We automatically get irritated, which isn't conducive to intimacy. So there you have it men - quit with the sexpectations already. It's annoying and too reminiscent of teenage boys' mentality.

Pregnant sex. Eeeewwww!

My husband and I are going to be staying in a hotel this next weekend. We had originally planned to share it with another couple but those plans fell through so now it's just us. This of course leads my husband to say "so we can have hot sex." Now, I know he's kidding (mostly) because we don't have "hot sex." Plus, as I explained to him, at 30 weeks pregnant there's no such thing as "hot" sex, there's "pity sex," or "sympathy sex," or even "fine whatever just get it over with sex." If there's anyone out there having hot sex at 30 weeks pregnant that's just kind of gross. Now I know a lot of women get hornier later on in their pregnancies (that's because of the increased blood flow to the vaginal area - not because they all of a sudden feel hot and are extremely attracted to their spouse) but I still doubt they're having hot sex. It'd be more of a "shut up, don't talk, I just need a little relief" sex. And really, who would WANT to have hot sex with a pregnant woman in her 3rd trimester. Now, I don't want my husband to find me horribly repulsive because c'mon, it's his sperm that caused this whole fandango so he should at least think I look cute or have some sort of sacred Madonna like quality about me, but I would have to seriously question his sanity if he was looking at me and thinking "yeah, I just wanna hit that. Ooh baby." That's a little weird to me. I've heard there ARE some men who find pregnant women really attractive. I don't get it. I could see there being some sort of "that's right, I knocked her up. My boys can swim," manly pride thing going on. But finding me sexy right now? What's sexy? My huge stretch marks? My belly button sticking out? Oh, I know, it's my giant fat ass (stretch marks included on that as well). Or maybe the zits all over my face - so hot!

Apparently I don't say cheese

Okay, everytime I get on here (obviously not very often these days as evidenced by my non-posting) my picture really bugs me. So, I'm asking if there are any pictures out there of me actually smiling? Feel free to send it to me and I'll try to get my picture changed - and it has to be a decent picture - so nothing from 4 years ago when I was a fat ass. And no double/triple chin pictures please, I have enough of those (damn jowls). I would also prefer to be wearing make-up. Oh whatever, just find a picture of Kim Kardashian on the internet and I'll post that. That's what people would rather see anyways.